Thinking out Loud

Today I came across one of the most beautiful songs about love. And you should know that I don’t usually do this – but today is special somehow – and I honestly can’t let this song go. Most of the time I write about romance skeptically, or rather sardonically, but today I really cannot help but be impressed by Ed Sheeran’s impeccable ability to inspire so much.

In a slow paced, perfectly tuned and amazingly lyrical song, Sheeran accomplished the impossible – he actually got me to write a blog post in the middle of the busiest semester I’ve had in ages. So, maybe before you get started with this post, you should listen to this song – Thinking Out Loud - Ed Sheeran. 

I’ll quote my favorite part in this song:

I'm thinking 'bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways

Maybe it's all part of a plan

This line has never resonated so perfectly inside of my head as it did today. After all these years, after a legion of loves and hates and joys and tears, I can say that nothing …absolutely NOTHING can define the moment you fall in love. And of course, nothing can justify the moments that follow. And once it’s over and done for, you never recall the person as much as you recall your happiness when it lasted. And because we are people and we are selfish and we are motivated, we move on and we find love again.

Just close your eyes and think about the sea. Yes, you read that right – think about the sea. The vast water body which reflects the entire universe at night and you can see the Milky Way splashed across the waves almost shimmering like a hundred thousand candle lights. The sea reminds me of falling in love. Maybe it’s because I spent most of my childhood in an island country, I don’t know how to make sense of this – but perhaps the thought of looking out to the sea reminds me of love.

When I was twelve, I distinctly remember standing at the side walk next to the Esplanade, and looking at the beautiful cityscape. The Marina Bay Sands hadn’t even been conceived nor the Flyer. But something about the silent skyline, the water with those glimmering ship lights, and the tall looming skyscrapers made me feel amazing. I hoped that one day, I’d be able to stare out at the sea with a special someone and tell them about all the thoughts which were running through my head at that point – you know the point when you feel indescribably infinite and yet unbelievably One with the universe.

That was the beginning.

Love was like the sea for me, it was vast and it was reflective of a billion wishes – so many shooting stars. I was quite the hopeless romantic back then and somewhere deep down I still am. But love evolved into a very ethereal concept.

I thought of that nameless, faceless person and I aspired to visit every place with them. I ran on the meadows with them, I spent hours studying in a library, I lazed in a sofa in front of a fireplace and heck, I even binge ate with them. None of the men I decided to like (or not like) came close to this entity inside of my head. But with every mistake in life, the vision became clearer.

It was never about one-night stands or flings or anything like that. Maybe that’s why I lose interest in people who cannot admire permanence. I get SO bored of people who bask in the transient stages of a relationship and hop from one person to another simply because they cannot commit. When you are so sure about this person, then why leave them for another? Why create problems for a person whom you “love”? But I realized that sometimes people can never be sure, and even though I pity them for their indecisiveness, I also forgive them for it. It’s not a sin to love after all.

I want you to know one thing. When you see the person you “love”, if you can look past them and see yourself grow old with them, they must be the one. And this isn’t your overactive imagination speaking – this is the kind of love when you don’t even need to be in a relationship with the person to love them. This is the love which stays after marriage, after aging and maybe even after death. This is the kind of love that calls out to you on your deathbed and you fight every impulse to stay alive just for the sake of this one person.

No romance can justify this love, no story has been able to portray this kind of love and no song can play to the tune of this love. It’s a degree below a mother’s affection, but nearly there. It’s so beautiful, it’s so extraordinary that it moves me to tears.

So when Sheeran says:

…   I will be loving you 'til we're 70

And, baby, my heart could still fall as hard at 23

He is probably trying so hard to bring out this love. He’s almost there himself, but not quite.

Before I end this post, I want you to know – that I am also scared. That I am absolutely frightened of the future as much as you all are. I think of the countable years in my life and I think of all that I want to accomplish – I have a million ideas inside of my head and I want to bring them out into the open and weave a tapestry of innovations. I want to travel, I want to draw, I want to write so much and love so much! It’s never going to be enough – and sometimes I will freak out and grow silent. Sometimes I will love from far and fail and stand up again, just like every single person out there. I too fear the prospect of growing old, and dying alone. I am afraid of never making the perfect story, I’m even more afraid of that faceless person never showing up. And I’m afraid of myself more than anyone else.

But if it were not for you, where would I be? J I am strong now, because of the wonderful men and women in my life. The few countable people I have grown to love and admire for their continual support. And I know, that despite all the rotten ideas we keep making up about love to avoid it, and after all the little problems we have faced on the way – we will never let ourselves down again. The next time any of us fall in love, we won’t need to tell each other – I’m assuming you will know it then. And that’s because it will be different and it will be worth it.

I'm thinking out loud

That maybe we found love right where we are

 I think, I honestly think we can find love right where we are.