An Analysis for the Broken-Hearted

Note: I don't want my blog to turn into an emotional pool of nonsense so let me make this clear. I've recently noticed a lot of people falling in and out of love, and it really tempted me to write this down. For all of you, and myself and many more.

Also, this is highly exaggerated.

Being in love with someone is like being insane. Half the time, you don’t know why you are doing whatever it is you are doing anyway. Your hands are working on their own accord, while your brain (note: screaming)  lists out the irrationality of your actions. But do you care? Absolutely not.

For instance, your idea of the world becomes exactly like Tom Hansen from 500 Days of Summer. Look below, in case you haven’t watched this film, which I actually feel everyone should watch (despite the soppy romance) - it has one of the best dry, sarcastic non-linear narratives I’ve come across with lots of grains of truth.

Let me describe to you the exact process of falling in love. It sucks to be honest, but it’s ALRIGHT to be human - which means it is ALRIGHT to be emotional. So yeah.

First of all - you see them.

And your eyes (which usually would respond to only Benedict Cumberbatch in that manner) actually widen. OH GOD, WHY EYES WHY. I mean deep inside you are really yelling at yourself but no, who listens to relentless logical advice anyway?

Practically, there is almost nothing awesome about them - a normal human being would see the same hair, same smile, same eyes and the exact freaking same nose and still be like “Okay, cool. Nice to meet you.” Whereas, you will be like, “Holy Mother of *replace with appropriate choice of words*”.

Now if that isn't irrational think about this. When they talk, inside of your chest, there rises a balloon of amusement and happiness and captivity and bliss which normally will not happen to just anyone.

Crush says, “And then dogs learnt how to fly! Hahaha!”

Others, “Dude wtf.”

You, “Yes, Hahahahahahaha! So guess what I saw this flying cat back in Oklahoma…”

You get the flow. Remember how Harry Potter felt a lion growling in his stomach when he started to ‘realize’ his feelings for Ginny Weasley? I didn't like that romance anyway, but I'm going to use that lion to refer to your inner, stupid, lovestruck, crazy self which really is on some kind of drug. No doubt.

Okay, then. Then you start getting to know them. You realize they are human and have flaws. You tell your brain, “Bro, this person isn't that perfect. He/she may have some issues. Maybe we should stop?” Brain relays message to heart. Heart says, “To love is to love all of a person - the good and the bad.” And this Biblical message shoots out to every other organ and GUESS WHAT.

Crush - *licks food off a plate* “This is good.”

Others - “Yuck.”

You - “Hahahah so cute.”

OKAY. NO.

Then comes the most annoying phase. The contemplation, the speculation and the whole process of DECISION-MAKING. And God forbid you decide to like your best friend, then you’re kind of trapped. Good luck.

Followed closely by the CHEESY phase. Okay, so most of my close friends hate this the most. But I am kind of a fan of cute rom-coms and sweet songs and poetry - I actually like this. You get back home every day and watch a ton of beautiful videos on YouTube OR maybe you re-watch Definitely Maybe or Friends with Benefits and cry at the fleeting lovely romances in them. You wonder if you’ll have even a fraction of that in your life. That friendship. That love. That everything.

You know the most ridiculous part of this? You KNOW that you pretty obviously don’t feel the flowery cute feeling these movies try to depict - your brain dictates coherence but your heart takes none of that shit. You choose people and there is no such thing as Fate. You weave all that yourself. So if you like someone, it’s your goddamn fault. Don’t blame them for being pretty. Because beauty, is wholly subjective.

Anyway. By now, it is too late. TOO LATE.

Because at this moment you’re like:

                                    

Your organs are really on a roll. Like how many more sleepless nights?

Now usually this phase continues until you meet someone else who sweeps you off your feet. BUT if you have a disgusting habit of ignoring your brain - then you will do what I am about to say next. I'm not saying this is an incorrect way to go about it but:

You’ll tell them.

And of course if by a miraculous coincidence it happens to be mutual - honestly, I wouldn't know. Nobody I liked has ever liked me back. :P At least not immediately. IT IS SO SAD. Yes, everyone cry for me. Cry for yourselves. And since you’re doing it anyway, cry for humanity. And for this loveless, cruel world. Of course you’d still be like -

But actually you are like -

Okay, jokes apart. Moving on.

BUT  honestly, the fear of rejection is not worth it - really, it isn't. I don’t think people fear rejection, they fear loss. They fear oblivion. They fear the unknown. And most of all, they fear themselves.

This should be where your feelings reach a standstill. And you make a decision to move on and engross yourself in hobbies to forget everything. BUT if you are me, you’ll go a step further - you will put your heart on a platter and dissect it. You’ll want to know exactly WHY and HOW you went about this beautiful process - you’ll want to know where you went wrong and where you could have gone right.

It isn't like in the movies. You don’t fall in love at first sight. Blessed are the forgetful. But, can you really forget? 

No. Something, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind proves in 108 minutes.

                                                         

You’ll be confused - do I take this positively? Am I not good enough? Should I look for someone else? Should I fight for this? What should I do anyway?

During this phase, you watch movies and read books and drink all the alcohol you want and smoke all the cigarettes you shouldn't. Essentially, these are just distractions to save yourself from the void of nothingness. But it’’s just your brain coming alive with a self-defence mechanism.

Actually if you really care, you may not even be sad. Yeah? I mean you just got run over, the wound is all fresh and bleeding and you’re like, “Woot, let’s go on like nothing happened!” You WANT to be happy in front of them. You WANT to be happy for them. If they are sad, you’ll have to be ready with an ambulance. And obviously, you haven’t felt this way for anyone else you've liked before, then what-the-hell-is-this?

You’ll really go through a roller coaster ride. You don’t even have to go to Disneyland, I mean what’s the point of going to a theme park when you have constructed one inside yourself? (No offence to Disneyland; and of course I'm going there, but you get what I mean.)

You become some what of a paradox. You don’t want to forget,but you have to. You don’t want to doubt your self-esteem, but you will. You obviously don’t want to give up - but you may have already lost. But you know when this will all be over? When you see them with someone else. Happy, and super content and enjoying life and everything is flowers and bunnies and rainbows and -

AND Finally you will have the shocking enlightenment that IT MAY NOT BE YOU. Maybe the fact that you sleep talk, or scratch your knees too often or sneeze when you see stray animals isn't what repelled them from you. I mean, it’s not like you can look at just anyone around you and fall in love with them! It doesn't work that way.

It’s a chemical reaction and it only has a 0.000001% success rate. So maybe even if you become the most beautiful human being, you won’t be able to make them love you. Because, sometimes it just doesn't work.

Also - you won’t get over them. You can’t stop ‘loving’ someone, you’ll stop thinking of them. You’ll forget them with time. You’ll love someone else more. You’ll find a hobby, you’ll fulfil a dream. You’ll find a thousand more reasons to live.

But when you see them again, you’ll be as happy as you were 12456624 years back because this is love, this isn't a stupid crush. It should bring you happiness, because it’s the feeling which inspires and ignites.

Now as a matter of fact, I don’t think I've been in love so I have no idea if all this will happen. But I hope it will. Because I maintain that we are humans, and our hearts are so unique and unpredictable. Who will we love next? The girl on the subway? The boy next door? The woman dancing waltz? The man smoking a cigar?

Who? Who? Who next?

Will we walk down a path and think of them? Will we hear a song and think of them? Will we watch the roaring sunset across the skyline of a magnificent city and fall in love with them again? Will we? Won’t we?

The future holds too many questions. And we always want answers because we are impatient, restless, emotionally frustrated humans. But we have an enormous ability to love more than we can think. There are gigantic portions of our heart dedicated to loving. And we will do it, even if we don’t get back anything in return. We will love places and thoughts and ideas and most of all, we will love people. Whether we want it or not.

A friend of mine once said, "Unrequited love is beautiful." And they may just be right:) I won’t say much, but falling in ‘love (if that's what it was)’ has always given me such happiness - even if it was unrequited, even if it was useless, even if it lasted for a short while, it meant so much to me. It gave me so much hope and so much joy and it pains me that the person I have written this for will never read this. But it’s okay - I guess not everyone knows the value of the people who love them.

And that, in itself, gives me some confidence to prove them wrong by outdoing myself. Let’s all be better people. Let’s celebrate this positive beautiful feeling because really, there can be no replacement for it.

:)